Pirate Beer
Figure 1. Pirate Beer
A note to all you scurvy knaves: Due t’ Halloween festivities, this week’s article will be dressed in a pirate costume complete with a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and a scruffy parrot on its shoulder. Gar, Where can I find a bottle o’rum? (All pirate-talk translations be provided by the landlubbers at talklikeapirateday).
Introduction
Arrr, think o’ Dutch beers and brands such as Heineken, Amstel and Oranjeboom sprin’ t’ mind. Howe’er, thar be plenty o’ other less-well known beers t’ be had. United Dutch Breweries boast an extensive range o’ beers includin’ Weidmann Lager, Phoenix Strong Lager, Three Horses Dark Malt Beverage and Pirate Beer (UDB products, 2010). Pirate Beer is an 8.5% alc. vol. strong lager originally from the Breda Brewery.. A pence for an old man o’de sea?
Aye, pirates seem t’ have a tenuous connection with beer and a more common association with rum feels both more traditional and comfortable. Little information is available from either Breda Brewery or UDB, and this may be due t’ the questionable link between the product and brand mentioned previously. Gaarrr! They should be keel hauled!
Aim
Aye, this experiment was designed t’ investigate numerous characteristics o’ Pirate Beer includin’, but not limited to, aroma, flavour, colour, satisfaction and vessel design. Yarrgh!
Method
Aye, a 500 ml can o’ Pirate Beer was obtained from a local supermarket for NZdoubloons3.99. The can was refrigerated t’ 4oC before the integrity o’ the can was breached under controlled conditions usin’ the supplied puncturin’ device. The contents o’ the can war decanted int’ a clean glass vessel. Aroma was evaluated by smellin’ the beer. Flavour was analysed by tastin’ the beer and discussin’ it with a research collaborator at great length and, subsequently, satisfaction was assessed. Aye, me parrot concurs.
Results
Ahoy, results for Pirate Beer be shown in table 1 below. Ye’ll ne’er get me buried booty!
Table 1. Characteristics of Pirate Beer
| Characteristic | Result |
| Aroma | Aye, sweet caramelly and fruity on the nose with an almost cider-like quality with a suggestion o’ ash tray lin’erin’ in the surroundin’s. Overall, the aroma be faint |
| Flavour | Cloyin’ with a pungent lacquer aftertaste. The heinous taste o’ the beverage caused the researchers t’ abort the experiment and dispose o’ the sample responsibly. Garrr! |
| Colour | A deep yellow colour, bordering on orange |
| Satisfaction | The researchers struggled t’ identify a situation which would befit imbibing such an offensive brew |
| Vessel Design | The can be illustra’ed with a clichéd pirate image, replete with parrot, wooden leg, cutlass, tricorn, eye patch and a cannon in t’ background (see figure 1) |
| Head | A disappointin’ white foam emerges upon pourin’, but recedes to almost nothin’ within 39 seconds. Yarrgh! |
| Drinkability | 2 |
Conclusion
Aye, havin’ sampled Pirate Beer, the researchers now understand why it is not a prominent Dutch beverage. Pirate Beer succeeded in offendin’ on almost all scales. The researchers war reluctant t’ award drinkability scores or 1 because it is not inconceivable that thar be worse be’erages a’ailable. Ye’ll ne’er get me buried booty!
Aye, it is possible that, if pirates had consumed Pirate Beer, this could be the reason behind their frequent use o’ strange noises such as Yarrgh and Garrr and the incorrect use o’ the verb ‘be’. Howe’er, it is beyond the scope o’ this study t’ confirm this hypothesis. Gar, Where can I find a bottle o’rum?
References
Journal of Applied Drink Studies International 
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